This morning, one of the people I consider a mentor because he had taught me in class and guided my final project, updated his WA status. He was attending a religious event and praying for ancestors who had passed away. I, who felt close to him, immediately responded to his status by wishing him good health because he was my mentor.
Of course, I didn't expect her to reply to my response at all but usually, such a response would be reciprocated with at least a thumbs up. But what happened was that she only read my message without any reply at all.
As an ordinary human being, I suddenly wondered if I was being too pretentious to get close to him because I knew his huge exposure. He is very often a resource person in national events and even various other activities that are quite large.
I then decided to delete my message to avoid being reminded of my mistake. It's not really a sin but for some reason, I sometimes feel inferior and think of myself as an idiot every time I try to get close to others. Perhaps this is inseparable from past experiences when at one time, I always tried to get close to people in my neighborhood but was rejected several times..
There are two experiences of rejection that really stick in my memory and both of them were during my undergraduate years. I was rejected by a friend who was even a classmate. She was known to be very friendly even with me in the beginning but I don't know exactly why so she didn't want to chat with me at all even years after we graduated.
The second incident was a rejection from a senior who I thought was quite close when I was in college. For some reason, he didn't want to interact with me and I don't even remember what I did wrong to him.
There are still many small rejections in my life that brought me to this point where I decided not to try to get close to people who don't want to interact with me.
Hence, what I did this morning was a decision that brought up a bad experience a few years ago.
