Bagaimana Menjalani Hidup

 "Jika sampai umur 35 kamu masih bekerja, berarti ada yang salah dengan hidupmu." Mbah Tedjo.

Saya sedang menimbang apa yang salah dalam hidupku karena saya menyadari pekerjaan yang saya jalani sekarang masih sebatas untuk mendapatkan gaji bulanan.

It makes me weird being a human living at more 30 years old but nothing special. I just live in a common like everyone do. I never ever try to be the best or help the others, I have no a special like be a part of social community or maybe.

life isn't just earn money or life style but life must be useful for every single human.

Somewhere in Lombok

This my routine activity in a month. going around the whole country because of working. being an auditor means that ready to go somewhere without any objection. sometimes it enjoyable but sometimes it hard.

I'm in the waiting room of soetta port. looking around and thinking about where all the passenger go ahead. most of them are adult, I dont see some kids eventhough the school has already done in this semester. I think the break time has come.

In a few minute later, the plane will bring me to Praya. one of the most populer destination for a year because there is sirkuit GP located in th8at city.

for any reason, I'been trying to calm down and being chill out in this journey because I'm going there in order to do my work. I dont post my journey even in my wa status.

now, I'm in the air flying with batik air. just now, the schedule delayed almost 30 minute, I dont know why. sitting in the plane is like giving the fate. We cant do anything at all.

the plane full of passenger who will be go to lombok. they are going to vacation, I guest. lombok is one of the foremost destination for now. there are some place located there like sirkuit GP, beach, mountain and any tourist destination.

Actually, I ever came to there 4 years ago. I went to gili but just a day. I saw a effect of earthquake that happened there in several years before.

in the plane, I'm writing this note while listening a music from lobo. one of my favourite singer since I was school at second grade.

If there is nothing to go, we will arrive at Praya 2 hours ahead. 

I'm posting this writing when I just aarrive at aston hotel while enjoying sunset.

Lombok, 19 June 2022

Jakarta adalah Benci yang Dirindukan

I have been staying in this city for almost ten years. it means that I have known well how stay alive in this city and then I've been through every single good and bad things in this place. traffic jam, loneliness, stay away from my family etc.

I have never even thought before that I would move to this capital city, living here, getting married and getting job here. I come from a rural village far away from south sulawesi, being a urban community here. so far, my life is running well here without obstacles, everything is fine but there are things that I can't deal with this city are traffic jam, neighbour life and the individualistic.

I'm still thinking move to another city in this island like maybe central java eventhough, Jakarta is like the city that I hate but I miss it. I love this city for every single things here. wherever I go, this city has become my home because I have a literally home here and my family. my kid getting grow and taking school here, so there's no reason for me to hate this city at all.

Perhaps, one day I move from this city but for all the memories here, I will keep this city deep in my heart and I will never really forget it. if I stay in another city, I will visit this city regularly. This city has given me a lot blessing and my bodies being united with the land and the water here.

In this year, I don't really know whether I'm still live in this city or not. probably my office will mutation me to the branch office in another city. it is a big possible but I'm trying to find a chance to be a lecturer in one of campus around this city, hopely it dream come true. 

Getting job which linear with our major is enjoyable and the rest of life will getting desirable. I'm working in the field which don't really has connected with my major at all. I feel like my skill can't grow very well.

but anyway, Jakarta is part of my life. live or not here, I'm gonna put it down in my bottom heart.

5 June

Nothing special today. I spent my whole day as usual. after jogging at ragunan, back to home and enjoy a cup of coffee with 3 pieces of cake while watch a youtube video. that my morning routine in weekend. it's like a habit to refresh my energy. 

After that, I accompanied my spouse go to the mall to buy some daily need. when we arrived in the parking lot, one of the employee who are in the working allow me to park my vehicle in front of it. his senior ask me to park in the other area then mourn to his junior because of giving me permit to park in front. I didn't complain him because I think, it will make him more bad mood otherwise, maybe he has to running his work in a rush.

Sometimes, when we meet unpleasant condition, more better that we think out the consequence before doing something bad. life is a journey, it means that in a long journey, we will find some stories like a bad or good stories. we have to embrace all of it without ignoring and blaming the condition. we just try to make sure ourselves to be a more wise in facing some bad condition.

Like what I feel right now at office. I realize that when I want to step to the other level, I must move to the other city because it's like a common things in my office. I have 2 option, pursuing my carrier while long distance relationship with my spouse or not doing LDR but my carrier will be stagnant. normally, everyone want to get a good carrier without stay away from their family but it's almost impossible happen in my office.

I'm still thinking it until now. do I prefer pursue my carrier or just like this without being LDR.

4 Juni

Today is my graduation as a student of Parmad. since I decide to took place at this campus, I convince mysef to finish my studies on time, but it didn't works. My study finished completely 2,6 years but it's okay because despite of studying, I also working 6 days a weeks that's why, I just 2 days in focusing study.

Studying in strata 2 IR study absolutely hard. I realize that IR study has a main keys likely, master in english, politics, history and the other subject that engage with social subject. I know that I have to read more literatures but in fact, mostly I spent much time in gadget. I always do some procractinate until the exam days come. 

I'm still regret why I didn't effort all out when writing my thesis. even that thesis done but I think, some argument still poor and it should be more than it. I always think how the way to change my bad habit and more focus in studying because I'm still keep in my mind to be a lecturer. if I don't spend my time in studying, impossible to make it come true. as a lecturer, has to be a maniac reading, whatsoever.

But today, I'm going to celebrate my graduation as a master even the days ahead, it will so many challenges come and I have to set my mind that as a master, I have a good mindset in facing all the challenges. I'm still hope that I can work at education field as a lecturer or researcher, I don't even sure that it's easy to do but I think, if I dont try it, impossible to know my limit.

One of the hard thing is moving from financial work to education field, all the more, there is no connection between education with my work at now, maybe just public speaking.

From now, I have to immerse myself in studying anything about my subject. try to be a good speaker in fron of public and applying in some campus. hopely I can make dream come true as soon as possible because I'm 30an, it mean that I dont have much time to achieve it.

keep finger up to God

1 Juni

Hari ini hari libur bertepatan dengan hari lahirnya Pancasila. Tidak ada rencana liburan hari ini karena harus ke rumah tante yang meninggal hari minggu sebelumnya. Anak saya masih menginap di sana atas permintaan suami almarhumah karena rumahnya sudah sepi. Tentunya saya menyetujui karena berdamai dengan kepergian orang yang dicintai tentunya membutuhkan waktu dan salah satu kebaikan bagi keluarga yang ditinggalkan adalah kita menghiburnya dalam berbagai bentuk.

Untuk menghindari kemacetan Jakarta, kami berangkat agak pagi. biasanya di pagi hari ketika hari libur, jalanan tol masih sedikit agak lengang. Kami memesan transportasi online karena lebih praktis. Benar dugaan kami, jalan tol dari Jakarta ke Cibubur masih sedikit lengang dan kurang dari sejam, kami sudah tiba di kota wisata.

Rumah duka masih dipenuhi oleh teman anaknya yang datang bertamu. Mereka bercengkerama di depan teras untuk sekedar menghilangkan kesedihan yang berlarut. Saya masuk ke rumah dan menyalami suami almarhumah kemudian duduk di teras dengan kolam ikan. Saya memandang karangan bunga yang belum di

Saya mengingat saat kematian almarhumah hari minggu yang lalu. kehidupan kota yang benar-benar jauh dari kehidupan kampung. Bagaimana tidak, saya melihat salah satu tetangga persis sebelah rumah yang seperti biasa berangkat ke kantor dan tidak melayat, atau mungkin dia sudah melayat di malam hari. Saya tidak yakin karena alm dibawa dari RS ke rumah sudah agak malam.

Saya membayangkan ketika ada yang meninggal di kampung, oran-orang menyampaikan rasa empati yang cukup dalam termasuk melayat dan membantu berbagai kebutuhan untuk pemakaman, namun sekali lagi saya menyadari bahwa saya sedang tinggal di ibu kota yang tentunya, orang-orang mempunyai pertimbangan masing-masing dan terkadang tidak menganggap penting orang yang ada di samping mereka. Sekira jam 2 siang, kami memutuskan untuk pulang karena esok hari harus masuk kantor. 

Awal bulan Juni berlalu. Saya menarik nafas pelan dan semakin dalam kemudian menyadari bahwa waktu berputar dengan begitu cepat. Tidak ada tempat bagi orang-orang yang menyia-nyiakan waktu